Negotiation in Crisis: De-escalate Conflict and Secure a Win-Win Outcome
A Deal on the Edge
Picture this: the owner of a trading company and the CEO of a major tech firm sit across the table, negotiating new delivery terms for a CRM system. What started as a promising deal nearly collapsed, threatening huge losses for both sides.
The supplier promised to deliver a fully functional system by autumn. But the client wanted plenty of custom features from the start, plus data migration and automation. As time went on, the CRM had to be tailored even further to meet new needs. Confident despite the tight deadline—and tempted by the million-dollar contract—the supplier made bold promises.
Turning Point: From Delivery to Dispute
When the time came to hand over the system, disaster struck. The old system had stopped working, but the new one wasn’t ready. Tensions flared. The supplier blamed shifting requirements; the client didn’t care about excuses.
The business owner threatened to charge for every loss and delay, refused to pay the final bill, and hinted at clawing back paid deposits. On one side, the tech company had invested countless hours and risked not being paid. On the other, client had spent heavily but had no working system—and customers were already demanding overdue deliveries.
It nearly turned into a full-scale war. Luckily, cooler heads prevailed. Their teams sat down together and worked out a fast-track plan to save the deal.
Why Conflict Happens—and Escalates
Conflict is a normal part of life and business. Without it, nothing would ever change. But when conflicts get out of control, you can imagine the whole situation as a stairway to hell of the most primitive and inhumane forms of fighting and war.
Understanding the phases of conflict helps you stay aware of what's happening, both with yourself and across the table. It gives you clarity, keeps emotions in check, and allows you to plan the right steps to de-escalate and reach an agreement.
Stairway to Hell
Every conflict starts with an assumption. You form a belief—usually not based on facts—and convince yourself: “They’re trying to rip us off. They think we won’t notice.”
Then you seek confirmation from others: friends, colleagues, or over lunch discussions. Gradually, your circle splits into allies and opponents.
Once your assumption feels solid, you step up and argue your case. But arguments don’t solve conflicts—they escalate them. For every argument you make, the other side counters, expecting you to back down. You expect the same from them. And fear of losing face grows on both sides.
As pressure builds, impulsive actions creep in. You fire off an angry email, send a rash message, or say something damaging: “I’m done working with your incompetent team.”
This deepens the divide. Opponents become enemies. As conflict heats up, chances of peace shrink. Soon, it’s not even about winning the argument—it’s about seizing full control. Threats come next: “If you don’t pay immediately, we’ll have no choice but to…”
At this point, the guns are drawn. Both sides fight for power, even if it means suffering themselves—so long as the other side suffers more. Allies are dragged into the battle. Eventually, both sides stand with their finger on the trigger of the most destructive weapons they have.
The second-to-last stage is the “Ultima Ratio”—the final warning shot before all-out war. In business, that war usually takes the form of lawsuits, drawn-out disputes where even a legal win leaves scars.
De-escalation: Your Best Option
If you want a deal, you need to de-escalate. Once you hit full-blown war, it’s out of your hands. But if you can spot early warning signs, there’s still time to act—whether through mediation, coaching, or calm negotiation. Better yet, prevent the conflict in the first place.
Sometimes, paradoxically, a bit of escalation is necessary—like when dealing with an aggressive opponent who only backs down when they meet a firm boundary.
Smart Steps Back to Agreement
The first rule? Avoid assumptions. Base your strategy on facts. Stay empathetic and avoid judging the other side—no matter their words or values. Prepare for difficult conversations and have a fallback plan in case talks fail.
Be honest with yourself: are you pushing so hard for your goal that the other side feels like they’re losing? Monitor your own neutrality and empathy. Make sure you understand their perspective and are open to compromise.
Break down the issues one by one. Work through them together. For any unresolved points, analyze and plan follow-ups. This builds trust and lowers tension. And don’t hesitate to bring in a neutral third party if needed.
The Art of Negotiating Peace
If you want to calm tense situations, avoid unnecessary conflict, or de-escalate a dispute, follow a few golden rules: be present, listen actively, and stay humble. Use positive language and avoid phrases that spark tension. Ask questions, listen carefully, and always look for solutions that benefit both sides.
Keep your communication clear. Confirm mutual understanding. Summarize key points regularly. And above all, practice empathy, try to understand what’s driving the other side.
